Tomorrow we set off on our Hawaiian adventure... the trip we have been planning since I was first diagnosed... our light at the end of the tunnel for the last 9 months. I can't believe the trip is finally here.
One year ago today was the start of my "retirement" as it was my last day at PwC. This year definitely did not go as planned. I think it is a really good sign that I start my second year of retirement in one of the most beautiful places on earth with three of my favorite people. The travel will be LONG but it will be so worth it. ALOHA!!!
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Friday, May 1, 2015
Radiation done... onto the next chapter
On Tuesday, I had my last radiation treatment. My new friend Robyn (who I met in the waiting room at radiation) brought me balloons and the radiation techs showered me with confetti and presented me with a certificate as I left the radiation room. I am VERY happy not to have to drive over to Dana-Farber every day at 10:30am to be zapped. I think I got off relatively "easily" with the radiation. The burns were not at all painful/itchy and thus far, my implant seems to be ok and not too affected. (I am not sure if I continue to be at risk for implant issues. I need to check on that when I go back in a month.)
So, I am "done" with treatment but I don't at all feel like the cancer is behind me. With the first diagnosis, I WAS able to move on from the surgery and not think much about cancer. Rarely, did I jump to a crazy conclusion that a headache was a brain tumor. Rarely, did I lay wake in the middle of the night, thinking about the cancer coming back and spreading (and therefore, my own morality). That will not be the case this time. It will take MONTHS for me to feel back to normal (if that ever completely happens). I am still tired, my fingernails are a disaster, I am stiff and achy, I've got stomach issues, etc. I guess I write all this to remind everyone that cancer never ends for people like me. I will never be the same person I was before the recurrence. Cancer will always be there for me, looming over my head. (Yes, it will get a little easier with time.) And while the treatment was horrible at times, we were actively fighting the cancer cells that might have still been floating around. Now, I just have to sit back and hope that worked. I will start my hormone treatment (Femara - a pill) this month, but I am struggling with trusting that since the last pill (Tamoxifen) let me down. Basically, I need to follow my cancer mantra - OSAAT, One Step at a Time. I need to embrace today and enjoy life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
I'm not sure how much I'll continue to update the blog at this point. All I'd be doing is venting about the "gifts" that cancer and chemo keep giving me. ;) Thanks for all the love and support over the last 7 months. We could not have made it through the "other" side of treatment without it. I consider myself extremely lucky to have an amazing husband, kids, family and friends!
So, I am "done" with treatment but I don't at all feel like the cancer is behind me. With the first diagnosis, I WAS able to move on from the surgery and not think much about cancer. Rarely, did I jump to a crazy conclusion that a headache was a brain tumor. Rarely, did I lay wake in the middle of the night, thinking about the cancer coming back and spreading (and therefore, my own morality). That will not be the case this time. It will take MONTHS for me to feel back to normal (if that ever completely happens). I am still tired, my fingernails are a disaster, I am stiff and achy, I've got stomach issues, etc. I guess I write all this to remind everyone that cancer never ends for people like me. I will never be the same person I was before the recurrence. Cancer will always be there for me, looming over my head. (Yes, it will get a little easier with time.) And while the treatment was horrible at times, we were actively fighting the cancer cells that might have still been floating around. Now, I just have to sit back and hope that worked. I will start my hormone treatment (Femara - a pill) this month, but I am struggling with trusting that since the last pill (Tamoxifen) let me down. Basically, I need to follow my cancer mantra - OSAAT, One Step at a Time. I need to embrace today and enjoy life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
I'm not sure how much I'll continue to update the blog at this point. All I'd be doing is venting about the "gifts" that cancer and chemo keep giving me. ;) Thanks for all the love and support over the last 7 months. We could not have made it through the "other" side of treatment without it. I consider myself extremely lucky to have an amazing husband, kids, family and friends!
Friday, April 3, 2015
Halfway done with radiation!
Today, I crossed over the halfway point in radiation. There was some question about whether I would have 28 or 33 treatments, and my radiation oncologist has decided (in consultation with other doctors at Dana-Farber) that I will have 33. The last 5 are referred to as a "boost" and will be focused at the 2 sites where the cancer was. This could definitely affect my implants but long term survival is what we are looking for here... I'll deal with the cosmetic effects.
Radiation has been going fine. I have not had any noticeable skin reactions yet. The nurse said the area looks slightly red but it is hard to tell. I expect the redness, itching and peeling will start soon. I am also feeling more tired, so I am back to napping for a little while each afternoon. I think I was on a bit of a "high" when chemo ended and now I have crashed again. I was complaining to my chemo nurse a bit about it and she reminded me that if you have treatment for 5 months, it takes 10 months to get back to normal. I think I sighed when she said that and she commented that she knew it was not what I wanted to hear, but it is the reality so I have to allow myself time.
I ended up not having a blood transfusion last week as my medical oncologist and chemo nurse decided it would not really make a difference with my shortness of breath issues. I just need to give it time.
I went to the hospital yoga class last weekend and will go again tomorrow. I liked it but was definitely the youngest person there. I am also trying meditation although I had trouble making time for it this week. I'll keep trying!
I also went to the hospital breast cancer support group this week. The younger woman I met back in January (Jenna) came as well as another young woman (Robyn) that I met at radiation one day. The three of us are going to meet for lunch next week, basically forming our own group since the hospital group is mainly older women. Funny thing about when I met Robyn.... Her Mom had come with her to radiation that day. She had been saying to her Mom that there was no one at the Cancer Center that looked like her. (I have had the same observation.) Anyway, her Mom saw me when Robyn was in radiation and made Robyn hang out in the waiting room to wait for me to come back because "I looked like her." So basically, Robyn's Mom set us up! ;) Robyn and I went for coffee the next week and I really like her. We sat at Starbucks for almost 2 hours! So glad to have found both of these women who get exactly what I am going through right now. (I have lots of other supportive people in my life who have gone through this in the past. It is also nice to know people going through it at the same time!)
The hair on my head is slowly starting to grow back. No other hair elsewhere. I really just want hair on my head and eyelashes!
Craig broke 2 bones in his hand while sledding down Okemo (a ski mountain) a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, he does not need surgery. He'll be in a splint for the next few weeks.
I think the Lupron shot I had last week (to shut down my ovaries) is giving me MAJOR sour stomach and heartburn. I am pretty uncomfortable at times. I have started taking Zantac again (which I was taking during the second chemo drug) and if that does not help more by Monday, I'll call the Cancer Center to get a stronger prescription. It must be affecting my eating because I was down 2+ lbs this morning when I got weighed before my appointment with the radiation oncologist. I am also popping Tums like candy. The joys of cancer treatment...
On Sunday, we are hosting 20 people for Easter. I am excited to have a "normal" holiday after feeling so crappy for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Happy Easter to all!!
Radiation has been going fine. I have not had any noticeable skin reactions yet. The nurse said the area looks slightly red but it is hard to tell. I expect the redness, itching and peeling will start soon. I am also feeling more tired, so I am back to napping for a little while each afternoon. I think I was on a bit of a "high" when chemo ended and now I have crashed again. I was complaining to my chemo nurse a bit about it and she reminded me that if you have treatment for 5 months, it takes 10 months to get back to normal. I think I sighed when she said that and she commented that she knew it was not what I wanted to hear, but it is the reality so I have to allow myself time.
I ended up not having a blood transfusion last week as my medical oncologist and chemo nurse decided it would not really make a difference with my shortness of breath issues. I just need to give it time.
I went to the hospital yoga class last weekend and will go again tomorrow. I liked it but was definitely the youngest person there. I am also trying meditation although I had trouble making time for it this week. I'll keep trying!
I also went to the hospital breast cancer support group this week. The younger woman I met back in January (Jenna) came as well as another young woman (Robyn) that I met at radiation one day. The three of us are going to meet for lunch next week, basically forming our own group since the hospital group is mainly older women. Funny thing about when I met Robyn.... Her Mom had come with her to radiation that day. She had been saying to her Mom that there was no one at the Cancer Center that looked like her. (I have had the same observation.) Anyway, her Mom saw me when Robyn was in radiation and made Robyn hang out in the waiting room to wait for me to come back because "I looked like her." So basically, Robyn's Mom set us up! ;) Robyn and I went for coffee the next week and I really like her. We sat at Starbucks for almost 2 hours! So glad to have found both of these women who get exactly what I am going through right now. (I have lots of other supportive people in my life who have gone through this in the past. It is also nice to know people going through it at the same time!)
The hair on my head is slowly starting to grow back. No other hair elsewhere. I really just want hair on my head and eyelashes!
Craig broke 2 bones in his hand while sledding down Okemo (a ski mountain) a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, he does not need surgery. He'll be in a splint for the next few weeks.
I think the Lupron shot I had last week (to shut down my ovaries) is giving me MAJOR sour stomach and heartburn. I am pretty uncomfortable at times. I have started taking Zantac again (which I was taking during the second chemo drug) and if that does not help more by Monday, I'll call the Cancer Center to get a stronger prescription. It must be affecting my eating because I was down 2+ lbs this morning when I got weighed before my appointment with the radiation oncologist. I am also popping Tums like candy. The joys of cancer treatment...
On Sunday, we are hosting 20 people for Easter. I am excited to have a "normal" holiday after feeling so crappy for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Happy Easter to all!!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Chemo Recovery
I feel like I am slowly recovering from what chemo has done to my body. I am able to get through the day without napping and can get all my stuff around the house/errands done without issue but I am still more tired than normal and have the shortness of breath (which seemed to have gotten better but it now back).
I had a follow up appointment with my medical oncologist yesterday and they took blood to check all my counts. The hemoglobin continues to be low, which is why I am short of breath. Usually, this is caused by low iron, but it turns out my iron is totally fine, great in fact. The doctor was a bit surprised given my vegan diet. (Go spinach and beans!!!) So, the low hemoglobin (and white blood cells) is just due to the chemo ravaging my bone marrow. The 2 courses of action are (1) wait and let the counts come back over the next few months or (2) get a blood transfusion to kick start the recovery. On Thursday, I'll have a blood transfusion. I just don't want to wait months to feel better. I had to run down the street because the dog was getting into someone in the neighbors yard and I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Hopefully this helps.
On Thursday, I will also get my first Lupron shot. Lupron is what will shut down my ovaries. I will get the shot on a monthly basis. Many women get it quarterly but my doctor when back to the studies looking at its effectiveness and in the study, the shots were given monthly. She wants to follow the study for me. I need to have these shots for the next 5 years (at least) so this might push me to having my 1 functioning ovary removed. We'll see. I'm not rushing into that decision. I will then start the Letrozole (known as Femara) pill in May. This is what will prevent the cancer from coming back by preventing the production of estrogen in my body from sources other than the ovaries. (It can't handle estrogen produced by the ovaries which is why we need to shut those down.) The side effects between both are sweating, headaches, fatigue, hot flashes and joint pain. Sounds fun, right?
Radiation is going fine. No side effects yet but the doctor expects the skin reaction (sunburn) to kick in soon. There is also fatigue but I am already tired from chemo so I don't think it will get much worse.
I am trying to get myself back into an exercise routine. I never was particularly flexible but I guess the PiYo (Pilates/yoga) I did last year had an effect because I definitely can't do as much now as I could then. I am going to a Yoga class at the hospital today that is specifically for breast patients. I am excited to get back into a routine!
I had a follow up appointment with my medical oncologist yesterday and they took blood to check all my counts. The hemoglobin continues to be low, which is why I am short of breath. Usually, this is caused by low iron, but it turns out my iron is totally fine, great in fact. The doctor was a bit surprised given my vegan diet. (Go spinach and beans!!!) So, the low hemoglobin (and white blood cells) is just due to the chemo ravaging my bone marrow. The 2 courses of action are (1) wait and let the counts come back over the next few months or (2) get a blood transfusion to kick start the recovery. On Thursday, I'll have a blood transfusion. I just don't want to wait months to feel better. I had to run down the street because the dog was getting into someone in the neighbors yard and I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Hopefully this helps.
On Thursday, I will also get my first Lupron shot. Lupron is what will shut down my ovaries. I will get the shot on a monthly basis. Many women get it quarterly but my doctor when back to the studies looking at its effectiveness and in the study, the shots were given monthly. She wants to follow the study for me. I need to have these shots for the next 5 years (at least) so this might push me to having my 1 functioning ovary removed. We'll see. I'm not rushing into that decision. I will then start the Letrozole (known as Femara) pill in May. This is what will prevent the cancer from coming back by preventing the production of estrogen in my body from sources other than the ovaries. (It can't handle estrogen produced by the ovaries which is why we need to shut those down.) The side effects between both are sweating, headaches, fatigue, hot flashes and joint pain. Sounds fun, right?
Radiation is going fine. No side effects yet but the doctor expects the skin reaction (sunburn) to kick in soon. There is also fatigue but I am already tired from chemo so I don't think it will get much worse.
I am trying to get myself back into an exercise routine. I never was particularly flexible but I guess the PiYo (Pilates/yoga) I did last year had an effect because I definitely can't do as much now as I could then. I am going to a Yoga class at the hospital today that is specifically for breast patients. I am excited to get back into a routine!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Radiation
About 2 weeks ago, Mom and I went to meet with Dr. Lingos, my radiation oncologist to discuss and plan for my radiation treatments. I had met with her last October and got "mapped" for radiation, as we thought I would not be having chemo. The mapping involved giving me 4 small blue tattoos, which helps them get you lined up to deliver the radiation. Luckily, they were able to re-use those tattoos.
The biggest item for discussion with Dr. Lingos was whether or not we also radiate the lymph nodes (in addition to the breast). We had planned to do this when chemo wasn't happening to be as aggressive as possible, but since I ended up having chemo, I was hoping to avoid. Radiating the nodes puts me at higher risk for an incredibly uncomfortable condition called lymphedema. We discussed and Dr. Lingos believes we definitely should radiate them since my case has not followed the norm and we should continue to be aggressive. So, we are radiating the nodes...
Other than lymphedema, my big fear with radiation is that the right implant gets messed up and I need surgery (or surgeries) in the future to fix it. Radiation will tighten the skin in that area, which can cause the implant to become mishapen/harden. As of now, I have one of the best reconstructions most of my doctors have ever seen (they have ALL commented on it... Thank you Dr. Glatt). There is not much I can really do to prevent an issue, so I am trying not to worry about it. Dr. Lingos did recommend massaging the implant and moving it around, so I'll try and remember do that daily. Whatever happens, happens at this point.
Yesterday, I went to the Cancer Center for my "dry run." Basically, they showed me around and got me into the radiation machine and positioned me to take some pictures. Luckily, the treatment only takes about 10 minutes because it is not the most comfortable position to be in - lying on my back with my hands above my head. I feel like my right hand immediately falls asleep when I get it into position! The first treatment was today and was easy. Not sure how long before my skins starts to react (it will get red/sunburned and blister). The other side effect will be fatigue, but I am already tired from the chemo. One down, 27 to 32 to go. (Dr. Lingos hasn't decided if I'll have 28 or 33 treatments in total.)
As for other chemo side effects, I still have the neuropathy in my fingers and toes. It is annoying but not too terribly uncomfortable. Just imagine feeling like your extremities are falling asleep all the time. I am hoping the sensation will dull with time and does not become permanent!
The biggest item for discussion with Dr. Lingos was whether or not we also radiate the lymph nodes (in addition to the breast). We had planned to do this when chemo wasn't happening to be as aggressive as possible, but since I ended up having chemo, I was hoping to avoid. Radiating the nodes puts me at higher risk for an incredibly uncomfortable condition called lymphedema. We discussed and Dr. Lingos believes we definitely should radiate them since my case has not followed the norm and we should continue to be aggressive. So, we are radiating the nodes...
Other than lymphedema, my big fear with radiation is that the right implant gets messed up and I need surgery (or surgeries) in the future to fix it. Radiation will tighten the skin in that area, which can cause the implant to become mishapen/harden. As of now, I have one of the best reconstructions most of my doctors have ever seen (they have ALL commented on it... Thank you Dr. Glatt). There is not much I can really do to prevent an issue, so I am trying not to worry about it. Dr. Lingos did recommend massaging the implant and moving it around, so I'll try and remember do that daily. Whatever happens, happens at this point.
Yesterday, I went to the Cancer Center for my "dry run." Basically, they showed me around and got me into the radiation machine and positioned me to take some pictures. Luckily, the treatment only takes about 10 minutes because it is not the most comfortable position to be in - lying on my back with my hands above my head. I feel like my right hand immediately falls asleep when I get it into position! The first treatment was today and was easy. Not sure how long before my skins starts to react (it will get red/sunburned and blister). The other side effect will be fatigue, but I am already tired from the chemo. One down, 27 to 32 to go. (Dr. Lingos hasn't decided if I'll have 28 or 33 treatments in total.)
As for other chemo side effects, I still have the neuropathy in my fingers and toes. It is annoying but not too terribly uncomfortable. Just imagine feeling like your extremities are falling asleep all the time. I am hoping the sensation will dull with time and does not become permanent!
Monday, March 9, 2015
Hair
My hair should be starting to grow back, now that chemo is over. The whole hair loss process has been interesting so a few observations...
- Despite losing hair on most parts of my body, I still have a significant amount of arm hair. What's so special about arm hair???
- I have maintained a small amount of stubble on my head throughout the process. Everyone says is looks really light. If it comes back light, it better be blonde light and not GREY/WHITE light. Craig has had an ever increasing amount of white hair since I met him and I have always made fun of him. He'd have way too much fun if my hair comes back grey!
- My eyebrows have definitely thinned. For once in my life having bushy eyebrows is working in my favor.
- I really wish my leg, armpit and old lady facial hair don't grow back. (With the radiation, it is likely the armpit hair won't come back on my right side.)
- My upper lashes are mostly gone and the lower are thin. I miss my eyelashes. Hopefully they'll grow back quickly.
- I lost all my nose hair (early on) which means my nose has been running for 3.5 months.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Port is out!
My port was successfully removed today and I could not be happier. It went smoothly although I ended up at the hospital for longer than I had anticipated.
I arrived at 10:15 which was the time the told me to be there. I had never asked what time the actual procedure was and did so after they checked me in and took my vitals at about 10:20. The procedure was not until 12:00pm AND the surgeon had added another patient in the morning so it was likely to start late. I was not happy and had not really prepared to wait that long. I was sent back to the waiting room to hang out for what turned out to be the next 90 minutes. The time actually passed quickly. They took be back into pre-op at noon.
Since I had opted for local anesthesia, I did not need an IV. Basically, I just had to change into a gown in pre-op. They took me into the operating room at about 12:45pm. When I met with the surgeons PA last week, he made a comment that the only bad thing about local anesthesia was that I would have to listen to his and the surgeon's jokes. I thought he was kidding but it turns out he wasn't. The surgeon literally has a nurse read from a joke book during the procedure. (I assume only when the patient is awake...). A nurse named Linda was assigned that task. She read a few terrible jokes while I was getting numbed up. (The lidocaine shots were not particularly pleasant.). The surgeon then left the room while I was getting numb and Linda and I started to chat. She was lovely, asking me about the kids. Turns out she lives in the next town over from us. When the surgeon came back, I told him I preferred to chat with Linda rather than hear bad jokes. Also, I figured I should not be laughing and moving while he had a scalpel near my carotid artery!!
They got me all draped and started removing the port. I felt some pressure but no pain. I was afraid I would feel them pulling out the tube that went into my vein but I felt nothing. (I did smell something nasty. Not sure what it was and I didn't ask.). I think it took about 10 minutes and it was done. I am SO happy I did not have anesthesia for the procedure as it really was no big deal and I now don't have to deal with waiting for the anesthesia to totally wear off. It seems to take longer and longer each time.
They wheeled me back to recovery around 1:15pm. I had a quick drink, got dressed and was on my way. There weren't any post-surgical instructions (other than the surgeon telling me to take Tylenol for any pain) and I walked myself out and drove home (stopping off at Target to pick up some random stuff and a coffee). I took Emily to dance class. I am a little sore and tired so I will head to bed early. I am glad this is done.
Tomorrow marks the 4th anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy. That was definitely the most invasive of all the surgeries I have had in the last 4 years. Today was the 7th surgery and the easiest one. I feel a sense of closure in my cancer surgery process. I like that. It helps convince me that this is my ONE and ONLY recurrence!!!
I arrived at 10:15 which was the time the told me to be there. I had never asked what time the actual procedure was and did so after they checked me in and took my vitals at about 10:20. The procedure was not until 12:00pm AND the surgeon had added another patient in the morning so it was likely to start late. I was not happy and had not really prepared to wait that long. I was sent back to the waiting room to hang out for what turned out to be the next 90 minutes. The time actually passed quickly. They took be back into pre-op at noon.
Since I had opted for local anesthesia, I did not need an IV. Basically, I just had to change into a gown in pre-op. They took me into the operating room at about 12:45pm. When I met with the surgeons PA last week, he made a comment that the only bad thing about local anesthesia was that I would have to listen to his and the surgeon's jokes. I thought he was kidding but it turns out he wasn't. The surgeon literally has a nurse read from a joke book during the procedure. (I assume only when the patient is awake...). A nurse named Linda was assigned that task. She read a few terrible jokes while I was getting numbed up. (The lidocaine shots were not particularly pleasant.). The surgeon then left the room while I was getting numb and Linda and I started to chat. She was lovely, asking me about the kids. Turns out she lives in the next town over from us. When the surgeon came back, I told him I preferred to chat with Linda rather than hear bad jokes. Also, I figured I should not be laughing and moving while he had a scalpel near my carotid artery!!
They got me all draped and started removing the port. I felt some pressure but no pain. I was afraid I would feel them pulling out the tube that went into my vein but I felt nothing. (I did smell something nasty. Not sure what it was and I didn't ask.). I think it took about 10 minutes and it was done. I am SO happy I did not have anesthesia for the procedure as it really was no big deal and I now don't have to deal with waiting for the anesthesia to totally wear off. It seems to take longer and longer each time.
They wheeled me back to recovery around 1:15pm. I had a quick drink, got dressed and was on my way. There weren't any post-surgical instructions (other than the surgeon telling me to take Tylenol for any pain) and I walked myself out and drove home (stopping off at Target to pick up some random stuff and a coffee). I took Emily to dance class. I am a little sore and tired so I will head to bed early. I am glad this is done.
Tomorrow marks the 4th anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy. That was definitely the most invasive of all the surgeries I have had in the last 4 years. Today was the 7th surgery and the easiest one. I feel a sense of closure in my cancer surgery process. I like that. It helps convince me that this is my ONE and ONLY recurrence!!!
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