On Tuesday, I had my last radiation treatment. My new friend Robyn (who I met in the waiting room at radiation) brought me balloons and the radiation techs showered me with confetti and presented me with a certificate as I left the radiation room. I am VERY happy not to have to drive over to Dana-Farber every day at 10:30am to be zapped. I think I got off relatively "easily" with the radiation. The burns were not at all painful/itchy and thus far, my implant seems to be ok and not too affected. (I am not sure if I continue to be at risk for implant issues. I need to check on that when I go back in a month.)
So, I am "done" with treatment but I don't at all feel like the cancer is behind me. With the first diagnosis, I WAS able to move on from the surgery and not think much about cancer. Rarely, did I jump to a crazy conclusion that a headache was a brain tumor. Rarely, did I lay wake in the middle of the night, thinking about the cancer coming back and spreading (and therefore, my own morality). That will not be the case this time. It will take MONTHS for me to feel back to normal (if that ever completely happens). I am still tired, my fingernails are a disaster, I am stiff and achy, I've got stomach issues, etc. I guess I write all this to remind everyone that cancer never ends for people like me. I will never be the same person I was before the recurrence. Cancer will always be there for me, looming over my head. (Yes, it will get a little easier with time.) And while the treatment was horrible at times, we were actively fighting the cancer cells that might have still been floating around. Now, I just have to sit back and hope that worked. I will start my hormone treatment (Femara - a pill) this month, but I am struggling with trusting that since the last pill (Tamoxifen) let me down. Basically, I need to follow my cancer mantra - OSAAT, One Step at a Time. I need to embrace today and enjoy life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
I'm not sure how much I'll continue to update the blog at this point. All I'd be doing is venting about the "gifts" that cancer and chemo keep giving me. ;) Thanks for all the love and support over the last 7 months. We could not have made it through the "other" side of treatment without it. I consider myself extremely lucky to have an amazing husband, kids, family and friends!
