Chemo #4 Done

Chemo #4, the LAST of adriamycin (AKA "the red devil) and cytoxan is DONE!  I won't truly consider myself to be halfway done with chemo until I get through the next week to 10 days of side effects.  Today's treatment was the easy part of the cycle.  My usual nurse, Mary-Beth was on vacation, but her stand-in, Catherine, was great!  It was a bit busy in there with a bunch of people on vacation so the treatment took a bit longer than usual.

We met with the doctor before the treatment, as usual.  My iron counts continue to be low but haven't dropped too much since last time.  I get winded and dizzy really easily (like when walking up the stairs too fast) and that is likely because of the low iron.  We also talked about my struggles with the exhaustion.  I started to cry a little and she came over and gave me a big hug. (Love her!)  She reminded me that this chemo regimen is one of the tougher ones.  She and Dr. Winer had discussed that we don't "have" to do the Taxol (drug for the final 4 rounds) if I am not tolerating the first regimen but since Taxol is supposed to be easier, I will definitely be moving forward with it.   We are not short cutting this treatment in any way as I plan for this to be my one and only recurrence.   I'll go back on Friday for fluids to hopefully help with some of the side effects. 

As we know, the fatigue over the first weekend of this past cycle was really hard for me.   I have been thinking about how to potentially make it better and came up with some ideas (and need your help):

•  The holidays (and related prep) being over should be extremely helpful as I won't be laying on the couch thinking of all the things I really need to be getting done.  (The Christmas decorations will get put away at some point... before summer.)
• Even when I am at my most tired, I need to leave the house and see other adults.  So this weekend, I need to make an effort to get out, even just to go across/down the street.  (Neighbors, consider yourself warned. I might just show up!  ;)
• If you think of me anytime between Friday and Sunday, send me a text or email... comment on the blog... remind me that I can do this... send an inspirational quote.... etc.   That will definitely help!

One more week of  the hard stuff and then I will be truly halfway there!    Only 172 days until we go to HAWAII!

Merry Christmas!

After all the craziness getting ready for Christmas, I am happy to report that we had a really nice few days celebrating.  It did not get off to the best start when Emily developed a stomach virus on the night of the 23rd.  Poor Craig, who has a much weaker stomach than me, had to do most of the care taking since I was at a point in my chemo cycle where I was more susceptible to getting sick and a stomach virus could be pretty dangerous for me.  Have I mentioned how awesome he is???  The virus passed quickly and amazingly no one else got it. 

We enjoyed a really nice Christmas Eve at home.   Dad and Ann braved the germs and still came up.   They went off to Mass but I decided it made more sense for the 4 of us to skip it.   Emily definitely could not go and I just did not want to be exposed to anymore germs.  We had dinner together and then watched Rudolph with the kids.  We read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and put them to bed.  They were SO excited about Santa coming but luckily went to bed relatively quickly, which allowed Santa to get to bed at a decent hour.  Their excitement reminded me how truly magical Christmas can (and should) be!

Christmas Day was also really great.    The kids enjoyed opening all their presents and we had dinner at Craig's sister's house.  We had not seen Craig's dad in a while so it was nice to get some time with him.  

Overall, I feel like I got big chunks of time to just enjoy being with family and NOT obsessing over cancer.   Since chemo started, it is all I ever think about. 

I feel pretty much back to normal other than my taste buds still being really off.  I feel like I burnt my tongue really badly so everything tastes weird.   I have chemo on Tuesday, the last of this harsh cocktail.   I am looking forward to being on the other side of that one and am very much hoping the next cocktail is as "easy" (relatively speaking) as everyone says!!!

Kindness

I have really been struggling with the chemo-induced fatigue.   I am just so tired all the time during the day and it is incredibly depressing.   I have been in this cycle of waking between 2am and 3am and never really falling back to sleep.  My mind is racing about the holidays, medical bills, treatment, etc.   I was very weepy for most of this weekend.   I know I can do this but it is even harder than I imagined and the end seems so very far way.   But, in the midst of it all, I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by so much kindness, which then makes me cry again.  ;)    (I know I am forgetting things so apologies...  chemo also fogs my brain!)

• Moms at the bus stop and Jen who gave me hugs and much needed pep talks today
• Neighbors who bring beautiful flowers
• Friends who are willing to have my kids over every single day, including during the long holiday break, so I can rest
• My friend Dennie who helped me finish wrapping Christmas presents this morning
• All the meals so I know Craig has a home cooked meal most nights
• Craig who is just my rock and is such an amazing father
• The free headscarf from an organization called "Good Wishes" which came today with a card signed by everyone that works there with incredibly encouraging words
• Raymond who gives me hugs constantly
• Christmas cards that remind me about happiness.  (I think we got 10 today!)
• Our dog walker who tires Tuukka out most days of the week and won't let me pay her
• Guatemalan worry beads from Elaine that will hopefully allow me put some worries aside
• My chemo nurse, Mary-Beth, who is an angel and gave me some ideas on how to deal with the overnight sleep issues (and reminded me this is all temporary)
• My dad who came and helped out last week

I can't believe Christmas is this week and the kids will be home for 12 days.   I am hoping to keep them busy as they definitely are struggling with all of this.   Emily is definitely quicker to freak out about the littlest things and Raymond has been a bit more sensitive.   I am trying to be calm but it is really hard at times, so then I feel like a terrible mother.   I just need to be patient with myself and remember this is temporary and will be just a "blip" for them in the long run.   One step at a time...

Chemo #3 Done

Yesterday, I had my 3rd chemo treatment.  Before the treatment, I met with the doctor and we talked about how I tolerated #2.   We'll stick with the steroid and Alleve, which seemed to help with the nausea and Neulasta induced bone pain.   Given how exhausted I was this past cycle (and had some pretty uncomfortable digestive tract issues early in the cycle), I am going to go in for some IV fluids this Thursday and potentially again next week just before Christmas.  I know I am not drinking as much as a should be but I am struggling with it.  Things either have no taste or now I have this metallic taste in my mouth so I am doing the best that I can.

Most of my blood counts are ok but I am becoming more anemic.  This does not surprise me, as I have often had issues with this.  When I was pregnant with both kids, I was on iron supplements.  If the number gets too low, I might need a blood transfusion which does not thrill me so I need to start upping my iron rich food consumption.  I found some "Raisin Bran" at Whole Foods that is iron fortified so I will start with that.

For those of you that are local and I see, please let me know if anyone in your family is battling any sort of virus (stomach, upper respiratory, etc.) as I really need to steer clear of sick people with my counts on the low end.  I guess there is a nasty upper respiratory thing going around Milford Hospital so they are on high alert at the cancer center.  I would like to not be a total hermit this winter but I need to be careful about what I am exposed to.  (And don't be offended if I ask you to use hand sanitizer in my presence.  I have made my CCD class obsessed with the stuff!)

I felt good after the treatment last night until about 4:30pm when I totally hit a wall.  I took a short power nap on the couch which helped a little but not enough so I headed up to my room before 6pm.   Thankfully my Dad is here this week, so he got the kids fed and up to bed (although I did have to mediate yet another silly bedtime argument between the kids).   I dozed off and on until about 9:30 and then went to bed for good.  I think I mostly slept through until Craig's alarm went off at 6am.  That is a really good night's sleep for me.  Usually I wake up before 4am and 5am and don't really fall fully back to sleep.

So, now we see what today brings from a side effects perspective!

Never a dull moment...

A brief update on how our week has been going thus far...

• While I physically have felt much better this cycle, the post-chemo exhaustion definitely lingered more and took me a bit by surprise. I probably pushed myself too much on Saturday by getting up at 6am to head into Boston to have my head shaved and then ending the day at a holiday party and staying up way too late.   By 5pm on Sunday night, I was half asleep on the couch and headed to bed at 6pm.   I spent much of Monday and Tuesday laying on the couch.  It didn't help that the weather was awful and snowy/rainy.    On Wednesday, I finally left the house to run some errands.   This will happen each time and I just need to listen to my body and rest, which is hard given that Christmas is around the corner and I am a Mom to 2 busy kids!
• Holidays - I am mostly done with my shopping but haven't wrapped a thing.  Anyone out of town expecting a gift from me should be expecting a "Happy New Year" present this year.  ;)  My Christmas cards are done and addressed but the flipping post office seems unable to deliver the stamps that I ordered.  It was out on a truck for deliver in Worcester yesterday and Shrewsbury the day before that.  I don't live in either of those towns.  Maybe they'll come today...
• Poor Craig, who has been my rock and seriously burning the candle a both ends between work and home, got a flat tire on the Mass Pike on the way to work yesterday.  Monday, I have the pleasure of taking his car for a new tire since they were overbooked today and tomorrow.
• And because, we don't already have enough health crap/bills going on right now (or things keeping me up at night), our beloved dog, Tuukka, decided to eat some sort of a ball (likely tennis) last weekend.  He's had a variety of digestive tract issues going on since then.  Just when I think he is better, something else happens...   This morning, I decided it was time to take him to the vet for an x-ray to make sure nothing is obstructed.   The vet thinks, because he hasn't been vomiting recently, that there probably is nothing left in there but his system is just irritated and medicine would help.  She said we could try that and then see how he is next week. I totally broke down at that point and told her about chemo next week and how I can't be dealing with a sick dog, blah, blah, blah.  She was wonderful and agreed to keep him for the day and do the x-ray later, once breakfast is no longer in his system.   She promised me she can fix him so I can focus on my other stuff.  This vet always seemed a bit standoffish to me but she won me over today with her compassion. 

So that's my tale of woe for this week.  (If you find yourself giggling at it, that's ok.  My Mom and I were laughing about it all this morning.) 

Also, my hair stubble started coming out in chunks this morning in the shower and I am actually happy about it as last night it felt like I had a million little needles poking my scalp.  I really should get an electric razor and shave it all the way down myself but haven't remembered to pick one up in my travels.  

Me and my boy

I shaved my head yesterday and Raymond shaved his today.   He has always wanted to shave his head and we never let him but figured this was as good a time as any. 

Yesterday was hard for me but not as bad as I thought it would be.  I had been shedding more and more hair which was getting annoying as it was getting everywhere.   Now, I don't have to worry about hair maintenance for a long time.  Emily told me is was "disgusting" at first but she is warming up to it and is not constantly asking me to cover it up. 

We went to a holiday party last night and I wore my wig.  I don't think anyone could tell.  I had Craig keep an eye on it to make sure it did not become all askew.  It felt nice to get it off at the end of the night.  I think I'll mostly stick to scarves and hats.  They seem more comfortable. 

Thank God for new meds!

The addition of a steroid (for nausea) and Aleve (before I had the Neulasta shot) seem to be making a HUGE difference in how I feel.  (Fingers crossed this continues today.)   I was actually able to eat and drink yesterday - not as much as on Wednesday but way better than the first Thursday.   I could cook dinner for Emily's birthday and wasn't a lump on the couch when she opened her presents.   I am thankful for so many reasons. 

Tomorrow, I have an appointment to have my head shaved at 8am.   :(  I'll also have my wig fit at the same time since they can't finish that until I have no hair.  I am really dreading tomorrow since this will be the ultimate sign to the outside world that I have cancer.  I know I won't wear the wig all the time as scarves will be more comfortable.  On the flip side, it will be nice not to have my long, thick hair to wash, dry and straighten when I feel like crap.  Raymond is still planning to shave his head in solidarity so I'll post a pic of both of us this weekend!

Happy Birthday Emily!

Happy 6th Birthday to Emily!   Figured this might be my last picture with hair as I think I will be shaving it in the next few days...   (My cheeks are also all flushed from the steroids.  Ahh, the joys of chemo.)  

Tonight, we'll have a quiet dinner at home (made by a friend who is also bringing cupcakes for the birthday girl).   Emily's friend birthday party won't be until January to avoid the holiday season madness and to get me through these first 4 rounds of chemo.

I feel pretty good this morning so hopefully the new meds will help make this day not as miserable as last Thursday. 

Chemo #2 done

Today went as expected although they were running pretty far behind so my 10:00 appointment with the doctor did not happen until 10:45 and the infusion started at 11:15 instead of 10:45.   (I try my best to be patient in these situations, no pun intended, since I was the last minute person who got squeezed in for a few appointments in September/October.)   

I opted not to have the Ativan this time as it calmed me a bit too much last time so I feel pretty good right now.    Hopefully with the Aleve and new steroid added to the anti-nausea mix, I won't be as miserable come Thursday. 

Thanks to Anne (Craig's sister) for coming with me today to keep me company!

Feeling almost back to normal :) Chemo tomorrow :(

I am happy to report that I feel pretty much normal at this point.  The port is healed although it aches from time to time.   I often forget it is even there which is a good thing.  

Tomorrow morning, I have treatment #2.  Can't say I am looking forward to it but it puts me one step closer to being done with all this nonsense.

Thursday is Emily's 6th birthday.  I am bummed to know I will be feeling so awful for it but maybe having a happy occasion to celebrate will help take my mind off the flu/morning sickness/hangover feeling!