The appointment started out with me getting measured (my height). The nurse first took it in centimeters and then converted it into inches. She told me I was "just shy of 5'4". I was NOT happy as I was always between 5'4.5" and 5'4.75" so I basically have lost almost an inch. (And I am a bit sensitive about my height, or lack thereof.) The nurse did not seem to care much. It was not a good start.
Next, I met with the surgeon. He has a rather odd manner about him and kept minimizing (with little sympathy) some of my concerns with getting a port. I commented about not being happy about having yet scar. In a somewhat flippant manner commented about how "small" it is. Fine, it will be small but will be completely visible anytime I wear a bathing suit, summer dress, etc. All my other cancer related scars are hidden in clothes. As we wrapped up the appointment, he told me the port would be installed next Friday, just 4 days before chemo starts. I really wanted it to go in early this week so I had a week to heal. He told me (again a bit flippantly) that it wasn't a big deal since he technically could install it the day chemo started. This is definitely true but I have heard that it can hurt A LOT when you do it this way. He did not seem to care. I almost said, rather obnoxiously, "have YOU had a port installed and then had chemo the same day???"
I just got a bit overwhelmed by it all and how a bunch of things are just not going as "planned." I know I need to give up the illusion of control but it was just a day where I needed to have a little breakdown. I came home, cried to Mom for a few minutes and moved on. I was still in a funk for the rest of the day until Elizabeth and family stopped by as they were in our area for their son's (who is my godson) soccer game. (My funk was also due in part to Craig being out of town for the better part of the rest of our time before chemo.)
9 more days until the chemo "party" starts. This is a busy week of cancer stuff:
- Wednesday - Look Good, Feel Better program run by American Cancer Society and my chemo "teach" with the chemo nurse
- Thursday - meeting with cancer center dietician
- Friday - port install (be at hospital at 7:30am for 8:30am procedure. Thanks again to Jen for feeding kids breakfast and getting them on the bus).
wish we where there to help. Miss you guys.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing all the right things. :) Feel free to push back on anyone that needs an attitude adjustment - especially doctors...I did all the time and I would find ways to do it in a joking manner to make my point without being a jerk like they were being. Most of them have NOT been through this themselves. You know me, I don't hold back...and I did not get backlash for standing up for myself. In fact, I found they appreciated me even more when I did. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou definitely want a port, it will make chemo and labs SO MUCH EASIER. I 'm sorry not all the staff are being helpful and understanding. It's so everyday commonplace for them, they often forget how scary and life-changing it is for the patients. I know I don't comment very much, but I've been trying to keep up with your blog, and we think about you every day. Big big hugs and prayers for you!
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